Twilight Zone Phone

The phone rang and I answered it.

From the moment I picked up the phone a switch was flipped and I was no longer sitting behind my desk at work; instead, I had been transformed to an alternate universe.

"Let me speak to James" the caller said gruffly
"I'm sorry." I told him, "but you have the wrong number."
"Is this 4566?" He asked.
"Yes, those are the last four digits of my..." I began
"Is this 555-4566?" he interrupted.
"Yes, but this is the bank" I explained.

Now, at this point you would think that he would realize his mistake and disconnect right??

WRONG!

The conversation proceeded as follows:

Him: "Well, let me ask you this."
Me: *silence*
Him: "You're the bank, right?!"
Me: "Well, no sir but I do work for the bank."
Him: "Okay, let me ask you this then. How do I open an account?"

Seriously, is this guy seriously asking me how to open an account when he clearly thought he was calling a private number to speak to James?? Okay, this must be a joke, I think to myself but I continue as follows:

Me: "You would go into one of our full service locations and see someone on the desk side to open an account."
Him: "Could I go into Monroe and open an account?"

Monroe? What's on Monroe? We don't have a bank on Monroe

Me: "Monroe?" I repeat for clarification.
Him: "Yeah, this is the bank right?"
Me: "Yes sir, I work for *name of bank* but I'm not in the centers. Are you referring to *name of bank*?" I ask again, for clarification.
Him: "Yeah, there's a *repeats name of bank* on Monroe."
Me: "Oh, well in that case; yes, you could go into that location and see someone on desk side and they could assist you with opening an account."

Okay, I've clearly answered all of his questions, right? Surly he's going to say thank you and disconnect, right?

Yeah - wrong again!

Him: "Okay good. Let me ask you this then. What are your prices?"
Me: "Our prices?"
Him: "Yeah, your prices to open an account."

Okay, at this point I'm beginning to think I'm the victim of an early morning radio prank. The longer this conversation continues, the stranger it gets. I kept waiting for the DJ to start laughing and tell me that it was all a joke, but that announcement never happened.

Me: "As I said, I'm not in the centers so I don't have that information but what I can do for you is look up the number to one of our branches and you can call them."

Anything to get him off the phone at this point...

Him: "Yeah, that would be mighty nice."
Me: "Okay great, can you hold please?"
Him: "Yeah, thank you kindly."

So, I put him on hold and I look up our phone numbers but of course, there isn't a number for a center on Monroe because that doesn't exist.

Me: "Sir, are you still there?"
Him: "Yes, I thank you for doing this. My birthday is coming up and I need to save some money."
Me: "You're welcome and thank you for holding. Now I've been looking but I don't see a branch on Monroe... I do, however, see one on Madison. Will that one work?"
Him: "Yeah, Madison. That's it. I need to put some money aside. You see, my birthday is coming up and they're throwing me a party. The lady's going to jump out of the cake and I don't want to spend all my money."
Me: *chuckling* "Oh, okay...Well, the number to our Madison location is 555-5378. You just give them a call and someone will be able to assist with your questions."
Him: "Thank you so much and happy new year."
Me: "You're welcome. Happy new year to you too and I hope you have a happy birthday."
Him: "Thank you, and one more thing..."

Here's where I thought the radio host was going to laugh and tell me they were pulling my leg but instead, he says: "You're about to have a baby, aren't you?"

Crazy caller on the phone say wha'?!?!?!

Me: "Um...No."
Him: "Huh, I usually don't get that wrong. Oh well, sweet dreams"

Now, I'm not really sure if the last thing he said to me was "sweet dreams" or "I'll see you in your dreams." or "I saw it in my dreams." all are pretty creepy.


This morning, I got to work and had a voice mail. I checked it and it was a lady calling because she heard that I paint houses...

You think they may be related?? Maybe he had so much fun messing with me that he gave my number out to the rest of the crazies in his family. I don't know, what do you think?