WAKE UP!

It was 5:00 a.m.

She hated being woken up before her alarm was scheduled to sound; but on this morning nothing had happened to cause her to awaken early - no loud clap of thunder, no big bang, no children standing over her, nothing... So why was she awake? No, not only awake... WIDE awake.

After several unsuccessful minutes of lying completely still, surrounded by total darkness, listening to the silence in a desperate attempt to recapture that extra hour and a half of treasured sleep, she popped one eye open to glance around the room, catching a glimpse of the expensive clothes hanger in the middle of the bedroom floor, and that's when she heard it...

Listening to her hearts desire - the conversations of her mind when she had those precious few moments alone. The ones where her secret wishes to make a change would come to the forefront, but she didn't know how or when she would find the time to do what she knew needed to be done.

God's whisper.

He had woken her up early enough to get up and exercise before beginning her day.

"Okay, God." She silently argued, "I hear you; but why, oh why would you get me up at 5:00?"

"That's too early and I'm still really tired. How about I make you a deal?" She pleaded, "You let me go back to sleep this morning and try again in a couple of days - but how about we make it 5:30 next time, m'kay?" And she rolled back over, fluffing her pillow a few times and finally drifted back off to sleep.

Several weeks have passed since that original conversation with Him and she still had not gotten up any earlier in an attempt to get that morning workout in; BUT, she did recently join a gym with complete resolve to make herself attend at least three times a week.

Fast forward to yesterday morning, when the puppy woke her up at 4:30 a.m. to go outside.

If that's not something you're familiar with, let me just tell ya: standing outside in 40 degree temperatures ,while you wait for a puppy to piddle, is a sure fired way to get your blood pumpin in the morning and make it extremely difficult to settle back in for a few more hours of sleep - but somehow she managed.

I was telling a friend at work about my conversation with God the other morning, when he got me up at 5:00, and how I had made a deal with Him to try back in a few more days. So, when I told her of this morning's pre-dawn activities she so kindly reminded me of the deal I had made just the other day - stating that I had PROMISED Him I would make an attempt to get up and exercise.

"Yes, that's true," I admitted. "I did say I would get up and exercise the next time He got me up early, but I distinctly recall telling Him 5:30."

Well, NEVER say that God doesn't listen because this morning - despite the fact that I have been going to the gym and working out all week long, including last night which is why I was so wired I didn't get to sleep until well after midnight - He again had the puppy wake me up early.

And while it was 5:00 when I got up to let her outside, guess what time it was when I came back in....

Yep, you got it! It was 5:30 a.m. (almost on the dot).

I had no excuses left. That was the deal I had made, I was wide awake and although I could almost hear the comfort of my warm and cozy bed calling to me, I had no choice; I had to get my butt up on the elliptical and work out.

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Huh? What? Who's there??

Oh, so sorry about that...that was my face hitting the keyboard as I fell asleep telling this story.

Guess who's going to sleep goooood tonight?!?!?

Moral of the story??

Be careful what you promise - He has a way of making you keep them ;) I'm so thankful He's patient with me :)

The Class from Hell

You may recall that I recently signed up for sadomasochism joined a gym.

On day one I told you I got my ass kicked in a body pump class.

Seriously, after that first workout, my legs were like limp noodles. For a minute there, I thought I was going to have to get the thirteen year old to drive us home because my leg was shaking so bad I couldn't maneuver the clutch.

Thank goodness the gym is right around the corner from the house - I drove home that night praying that I wouldn't catch a red light for fear I wouldn't be able to get out of first gear.

Day two wasn't so bad. It was orientation night, I came home and got changed to go meet the personal trainer. She took down all my statistics (weight, body fat, BMI) the bitch and then she took me around to each piece of equipment and showed me how to set it up - seat height, how much weight to lift, the proper way to lift the weights, etc. Afterwards, I jumped on the elliptical and got in about a 45 minute workout.

Saturday morning (day three) I got up early and went to the gym doing both the weights and 30 minutes on the elliptical.

Monday night, the teen and ol' pro go to the gym. On the way there, they talk about what they're going to do: Sugar decides she's going to check out the cycling class and I was going to repeat my Saturday routine (weights and elliptical).

Well, for those of you who've ever gone to a gym you will know, Monday's are always the busiest nights at the gym and everything seemed to be taken so I decided instead to join Sugar in the spin class.

About twenty minutes into the workout, I came to the conclusion that the instructor lady was trying to kill me.

I soooo couldn't hang.

Finally, I quietly gathered up my aching butt and my burning thighs and took them to something that I knew I could do - yep, the elliptical (my favorite!)

Spin class my ass - HA! - more like purgatory!

In other news: I'm SO proud of Sugar - who stuck it out for the entire workout (and survived)! She's awesome!

When Pigs Fly

They're droppin' like flies!

These days, everyone seems to know someone who's had it.

I'm talking about the swine flu.

We went through about a three week period of illness in the Shell household. Sugar had "not the flu" then Spice got sick with a high fever - also diagnosed as "not the flu", then Sugar got sick again and we took her back to the doctor only for her to be diagnosed with the flu.

After hearing several comparable stories from friends and co-workers, I became convinced that the flu tests they give in the doctors office aren't very accurate and my manager confirmed my suspicions when she had to take her girls to the doctor with flu like symptoms and the doctor actually told her that those tests have about a 30% accuracy rate.

Meanwhile, a good friend of mine had a similar situation going on in her household. First her son got "not the flu" and about a week later she was taking him back to the doctor with no improvement. Then she got sick with "not the flu" - but her niece was diagnosed with the flu.

I was talking to her, trying to convince her that the doctors were wrong and that she did in fact have the flu when it happened again.

You see, every time she stays home sick a bird somehow ends up getting stuck in her fireplace - and I'm usually talking to her when it happens.

She said that he had been in there for a while and he was annoying the crap out of her, but she just didn't feel like dealing with letting him out.

I told her to just tell him he better get out of there before she gave him the flu

"No wait!" I said, "He'll give YOU the bird flu and you'll give HIM the swine flu...and then pigs really will fly."

And there you have it, folks! How diseases transfer from animal to human and human to animal.

Glad I could clear that up for you. :)

Farm Town Shelly

For those of you who might not have noticed; I’ve been MIA in Blogville for a while.

It seems my blogging brain has taken a leave of absence. There are things that happen almost daily that I laugh at and think what a good story it would make but I haven’t written in so long, it looks likes I may have forgotten how.

Anyway, although I have been missing from Blog Land, I have still been around; so I thought I would take a minute to let you all know, just in case you were interested, what it is that is taking up all of my time these days – aside from the usual: Work, Kids, Pets, Family/Friends, Movies, Reading, Cleaning – Okay so, being honest, cleaning isn’t really playing THAT big of a part in this scenario (since I do my best to avoid it like the plague) but, since I live with the human tornado, it is a small factor - et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. The list could go on for days…

The newest addiction in my life (and I try to only allow myself one addiction at a time – not including my books) is my Farm.

Yep, you read that right…I have a Farm. And, as it turns out, I’m a very good farmer! Who knew? A girl who can’t even keep her plastic plants alive is now a Virtuoso Farmer - and it must be so, because that’s what it tells me under the status bar, whenever I visit my Farm Town.

Okay, okay, so if you want to get technical about it, it is only a ‘virtual’ farm; but still… to me - and probably several other thousands of people, like me, who are addicted to this Facebook application – it is very real.

I’ve got all kinds of crops! Corn, Coffee, Pumpkins, Peas, Sunflowers, etc.

I have a barn with hay in it and a variety of animals: horses, cows, narcoleptic pigs, little chicks, roosters, donkeys and llamas too – I’m hoping someone will gift me a turkey soon and I can’t wait ‘til I can get a bull!

I’ve also got a cute little white house with several puppies and a few cats milling around outside. It’s surrounded by hedges and a beautiful river, and I’ve planted several flowers out front to add a splash of color.

Now, I know what you’re thinking; so let me just go ahead and ease your mind…
No, I really don’t think my success at farming has anything to do with having OCD tendencies; although, I have discovered that ones ability to become an avid virtual farmer must be genetic.

For instance, mom and I are both outstanding members of the Farm Town community - Nope, just because she has those very same tendencies towards OCD, I still don't think that has anything to do with how skilled we are in Farm Town ;) We really do our part to keep things thriving and beautiful, and we’re exceptional neighbors! Making sure to visit all of our surrounding farms to rake, weed and water whenever needed.

In fact, I call mom the Farm Town Stalker. Every time I turn the computer on and go to my farm she’s already there, looking around and leaving me messages letting me know how many crops I have in need of harvesting. HA!

In contrast, we have another family of farmers, whose names I won’t mention (uh-hum, Amy and Sandra), who really stink aren't very good at this farming thing. They both have four little fields that they planted eons ago and then they never came back to care for them. Mom and I both keep doing our part to help maintain their farm, but it's all to no avail. No amount of water, weeding or raking is going to make those poor crops come back to life. :(

Hmmm…that leads me to another thought: Maybe, if we could convince them to become better members of the Farm Town society, I would be able to devote more time to some of my other passions, such as blogging. I’m just sayin’ ;)

Okay, so now that I’ve admitted yet another of my many few obsessions; I promise, I’ll try to do a better job of figuring out how to devote an equal amount of time to all of my addictions passions.

Until I figure it out, I’m certainly open to your ideas and/or suggestions… And here's a little snapshot of what's been consuming my spare time :)

Just for Laughs

Sometimes at work, time permitting, I like to lighten things up a little by finding a cute little funny to tack on to the bottom of my emails.

Today I was scrolling through the comics and came across one that made me laugh out loud -Literally!

While I didn't think it was appropriate to share with the people I was sending my email to, it got me so tickled that I had to share it with someone; so, I emailed it to several of my close friends with a personal note of how it made me think of my poor kids - having me as their mother must be difficult. Bless their hearts!

Anyway... Since I'm not in the blogging boat alone, I thought I would share it with all of my blogging buddies as well - I'm sure you'll get as big a kick out of it as I did ;)

Enjoy!

"T" things I love

My friend Tina from Golden Goodness played this little game on her blog today.

The 'tagger' gives the 'taggee' a letter...any 'ol letter...and the 'taggee' has to write 10 things they love that begin with that letter. So I requested that she give me a letter and she granted me the letter 'T'.

Here goes! 10 Things I Love -- using the letter 'T'...



The Lord: Who should be the first LOVE in all of our lives.

Psalm 23

1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.


Trucker: Or should I say “Super Trucker”, as in the hubby - who works very hard as an over the road truck driver to provide for his family.

Two Tenacious, Talented, Tiresome, Trendy, Theatrical, Tender Tykes: As in my two beautiful girls; the joys of my life and the holders of my heart.

Time Off: As a full-time working mother of two and wife to a husband who is often away, time off is always treasured.

Talking to my Friends: You probably couldn’t tell this about me through the computer; but, I’m a bit of an extrovert. Shocking, I know but it’s true! I’ve never met a stranger. I consider myself very fortunate to have so many wonderful friends, and at the top of that list is my Mom; others include friends from work, from the good ol’ days, in ‘real life’ and in ‘Blogville’ – I have a very eclectic group of friends; they come from all different walks of life, they have all different types of personalities, religious beliefs and backgrounds. I love them all and enjoy getting together with them, talking, giggling and acting silly.

This House: and the peace of mind that moving here has given my entire family.

Target: I know, I know, this one was a given…Hey! Did I tell you about the time that I went there and didn’t spend any money?? ;)

Turkey Sandwiches: My favorite sandwich - minus all of the yucky stuff, of course! ;)

Taking Naps: Whenever I get my much treasured time off, one of the things I like to do is catch up on some sleep.

Turtles: I’ll bet you didn’t know that one, huh? ;)

New Homes, Book Clubs and Awards

Look at all of these wonderful things going on...

First we took a flying leap of faith and moved into a new home; where we discovered that sometimes, the grass IS greener on the other side of the proverbial fence. :)

It's impossible to describe the feeling of peace that my family and I have felt since we moved, but that is exactly what we all feel, peace.

God is good, amen??

Next, I found the worlds greatest book club!



I have received several new books and audio books (with more still on the way) and all I had to do was list the books that I had lying around the house that had already been read.

This is a dream site for people like me who love to read. :)

Then my best blogging bud, Amy from In My Life, bestowed upon little ol' me this "Uber" bloggy award.

Here is a little bit about the award:

The "uber" (synonym for super) is a blog award given to sites who:

- inspire you

- make you smile and laugh

- or maybe give you amazing information

- a great read

- has an amazing design

- and any other reason you can think of that makes them uber amazing!

Thank you, Amy, so much for thinking of me for this lovely award. I think you're 'uber' amazing too!

The rules of the award are:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.

2. Nominate at least five blogs (can be more) that for you are uber amazing.

3. Let them know that they have received this uber amazing award by commenting on their blog.

4. Share the love by linking to this post and the person you received the award from.

It's hard for me to narrow this down to just five people so how about I pass it on to all twelve of my peeps - because really, I love them all!!

So, If you are one of my peeps (Kelli, Jody, Denise, Dianne, Laura, Mia, Kellen, Sara, Amy, Diane, and Tina) then I think you are Ubar Amazing and this award is for you! :)

Sneeze Free Sleep

If anyone played Grilling Goodness last Friday, or if you read my post answering Tina's questions, then you saw her mind boggling question #2.

The one where she asked, "Do you have any idea why we don't sneeze in our sleep?' Then she told us to take a "Wild Guess."

Here was my response:

Hmmm??? Good question, Tina! I have no idea why we don't sneeze in our sleep but I'm sure I will have to go Google it as soon as I finish this meme, thanks alot!

Who says we don't sneeze in our sleep?? Do you know for a fact that this is the case?? Some people talk in there sleep, some people walk in their sleep and my husband holds his breath in his sleep - I tell him all the time that he's not swimming. So, if all that happens in our sleep and we aren't aware, how would we know if we sneeze in our sleep or not?? I'm just sayin'..... But okay, you asked for a wild guess sooo... I'll say that it has something to do with the fact that our eyes are shut (because everyone knows you have to see the light before you can make a sneeze come out, right?!?!) and our brain is in sleep mode; therefore, it is not sending sneeze signals to our sneeze mechanism. There, that sounds good...right???


Is she mad?? Does she not realize that I can't just let a question like this go?? You would think she knows this about me; after all, we have known each other over ten years now. But apparently she wasn't concerned about my sanity when she posed such a bizarre query.

Where do you think she came up with that one, anyway?? Well, I'm not sure what made her think of it; but it was such a good inquiry that my curiosity, of course, got the better of me and I had to go look it up..

Turns out this part of my "Wild Guess" - and our brain is in sleep mode; therefore, it is not sending sneeze signals to our sneeze mechanism - had a little bit of truth to it.

So, for those of you whose curiosity was peaked with this one but were too lazy busy to look it up, here is what I found in my Google Search:


The signs are unmistakable: the eyes water, the chest heaves, the nose twitches, the body tenses, suspense builds... until finally a sneeze blasts forth, concluding the drama. It's a momentarily paralyzing experience that can seize one at almost any time.

But try and recall if you've ever been jarred out of a peaceful sleep by an explosive sneeze. Chances are you can't, because, thankfully, we don't sneeze while we sleep. To understand why, first we need to know why we sneeze while we're awake.

Sneezing is a reflex, which means that it's an uncontrollable physical response to an outside stimulus. When something, say a piece of dust or a strong odor, stimulates nerve endings in the lining of the nose, the stimulus travels to the central nervous system and is then routed back to the muscles of the face, throat and chest. Once stimulated, these muscles go to work and cause us to forcefully expel air from the mouth and nose. Or, in other words, we sneeze.

Because the nose lining tends to swell when we lie down, making it even more sensitive to sneeze-causing particles, it would seem that sneezing would be likely during sleep. However, since there is little airflow in most bedrooms at night, and little movement to stir up dust and other particles, the nose is not bombarded by as many foreign particles as it is during the day. Furthermore, the area of the brain responsible for the sneeze reflex relaxes while we sleep. So, even when a particle does touch the nose lining, the brain doesn't notice, and we don't sneeze.

And now folks we, or better yet, I can officially lay this one to rest. :)

Turtles In Girdles

"Oh, they're wonderful!" the store clerk said to the mom and daughter as they were standing in line, discussing the impulse buys that were lined up next to the register, while waiting to be checked out. "I wear mine every day. See, I have them on now" and she pulls up her shirt to show them that she is, in fact, speaking the truth.

"Yes, but they are $36.00. Do they work?" the pair asked, thinking that $36.oo for a pair of undies is a bit steep.

"There marvelous" said another customer. "You know, Oprah endorsed them on one of her 'Favorite Things' shows."

"Oh, then they must be good;" said the mom, "but do they not roll down? If I'm going to pay $36.oo they better not roll down, and every other pair I've ever bought has rolled."

"No!" said the clerk, "they don't roll at all."

"No, they sure don't" the other customer agreed. "They have some kind of magic tape on them or something that keeps them from rolling."

"That's right." said the clerk, "As long as you don't put them in the dryer, they won't roll."

With such strong testimonies from everyone in the store, it must be true, they thought. And so, they each got themselves a pair of the $36.00 miracle drawers called Spanx."

Fast forward to Saturday night...

She was going to visit a friend and she knew there would be lots of pictures being snapped to assist in the telling of their blog worthy visit. She needed all the help she could get so she decided it would be the perfect opportunity to give her newly purchased underoos a try.

She heaved and she hoed, heaved and hoed, and heaved and hoed some more - working up a good sweat - as she shimmied her way into the suck-n-tuck, High Waisted Power Panties.

Finally, she had pulled them all the way up and adjusted them in all the right placed, so that they fit like a snug pair of icotoner gloves... But, wait a minute! What's that she felt?? It felt like a breeze. Why does she feel a breeze in her brand new $36.00 pair of panties?? Surely she had not poked a hole in them as she had worked her way into them. That was quite a work out but they were made of pretty sturdy material; she felt certain she would have known if she had actually poked a hole. At the very least, she would have heard it.

Pulling them back down a little, for closer inspection of the area in question, she saw it. The big gaping, wide open, space; strategically located in a place that she always thought panties were supposed to cover.

What is this? She thought to herself as she inspected the area a little closer. Do you mean to tell me that I just paid $36.00 for a defective pair of panties? But upon further inspection, it looked as if the slit was supposed to be there.

You have GOT to be kidding me, she chuckled as she walked over to the package to read more about the perks of these power panties.

'Comfortably smooths waistline. Slims tummy, thighs and rear. No binding leg band...'

Yes, yes, she had read all of that in the store, then she turned the package over to read the back. There it was! At the bottom of the package, with a little star bullet:

'Cotton double gusset (crotch) opens to make life easier when Mother Nature calls.'

While she was not brave enough to give the flap jack a try when mother nature did call but if any one has she would love for you to leave a comment and let her know how that works.

In the meantime, here are some things she has determined that she should warn others about who may want to give these Spanx a try - and they do work!

• BUT, if you have any kind of bladder control issues, you might NOT want to wear your Spanx.


• OR, if you will be at a friends house, where you laugh so hard you might pee - just a little - you might NOT want to wear your Spanx.


• OR, if you have allergies that might cause you to sneeze so hard you squeeze out a little moisture, you might NOT want to wear your Spanx.


• And finally, DO.NOT.EVEN.THINK about wearing your Spanx if your aren't feeling fresh and clean.

I'm just sayin' ;)

On the other hand....If you are going to have a meeting with your very good looking work husband, and you want to look your best; you probably WILL want to wear your Spanx :) but first, you should make sure that the meeting hasn't been cancelled. :(