Boo Boo The Fool

What do I look like, Boo-boo the fool??

Wait a minute! Don’t answer that!

I said, don’t answer that! *sigh*

Oh well... if you answered yes to that question, then you aren’t in the boat by yourself. Apparently my soon-to-be-thirteen-years-old daughter thinks so too.


I must admit, there are a lot of things that I’m not good at remembering:

I may not remember what movies I’ve bought.

I may not remember which CD’s we have.

I might not remember the name of a book I’ve read or a movie that I’ve watched.

In fact, it’s very possible that I won’t remember your name – I’m horrible with names!

So maybe it seems odd to her that I would be able to remember each and every outfit that she has.

But… I do!

If she would stop and think about it for a minute, it probably wouldn’t seem so strange. After all, where does she think all those clothes come from? They don't just magically appear in your closet. (HA! I wish!)

Noooo…someone has to go shopping for them and had to pay for them.

And who does she thinks washes all those clean clothes that she throws in the laundry basket, instead of putting them back up after being worn for all of two seconds?

And after all of those clean dirty clothes have been washed, who does she think folds them and then looks at them, sitting on the couch for a week while waiting for them to grow legs and make their way back upstairs?

Yeah, that would be ME!

So, can someone please help me understand why she would think that she could come downstairs this morning wearing a black skirt with a pink jacket over it AND a pair of jeans, and expect me to believe that the black SKIRT is a strapless SHIRT?!?!

I swear, sometimes I wonder what planet that girl hailed from.

Not One to Complain...

Monday's - noted to be one of the least favorite days of the week.

Now, I'm not usually one to complain, much but today has been a stereotypical Monday...

Nothing puts me in a grumpy mood quicker than when my much needed beauty rest gets interrupted.

This morning - one full hour prior to wake up time - I hear the sound of my oldest daughter singing a little tune that went something like this:

♪♪ Time to wa-ake up ♪ Wakeup Sugar ♪♪
♪Time to wa-ake up ♪ Wakeup Sugar ♪
♪♪ Time to wa-a-a-ake up♪♪
(repeat three times, getting progressively louder)

Alright so, admittedly, I really did enjoy hearing that little jingle this morning - it made me smile. However, I would have enjoyed it much more had it actually been time to wake up.

I'm just sayin' ;)

This, accompanied by the vibration of the phone, continued every ten minutes for an hour and I finally gave up all hope of trying to latch on to the last precious minutes of my cherished slumber. I rolled out of bed to get this cold and dreary Monday started.

But I'm not one to complain, much...

Looks like I'm definitely going to need my morning cup of java, which I go into the kitchen to fix only to discover that my coffee maker is now disassembled. Apparently the oldest was trying to be helpful so she took my coffee maker apart and cleaned it in the dishwasher - leaving instead a sink full of dirty dishes.

But I'm not one to complain, much...

With the coffee pot now reassembled, I set it up to brew and go off to take my shower, brush my teeth and get dressed.

As I'm finishing up on the last touches of my morning routine I notice a strange gurgling sound coming from the kitchen. I learn that the source of the noise is my coffee maker, complaining because I forgot to put the lid down when I put it back together causing percolation problems.

But I'm not one to complain, much...

At work, my computer locks up and I lose a report that I had just spent two hours putting together.

But I'm not one to complain, much...

After work, Spice had her first golf lesson. For an hour, I stand out in the cold, wet drizzle - while my baby learns to identify all the parts of a golf club as well as the proper grip and stance - fighting off the worlds largest mosquitoes.

But I'm not one to complain, much...

Once practice was over, I decided a quick meal was in order so we drove to McDonald's where it was clearly obvious that they would not be getting my order correct... so we left in favor of Wendy's.

I placed our order and pulled up to the first window to pay.

As I'm searching for my card I vaguely recall hearing the manager and cashier talking about her being afraid of/allergic to bees. I finally found the card and as I hand it to the cashier, I immediately feel the relevance of their conversation as a sharp, stinging pain shoots up the back of my arm.

"Well," I announce, as cheerfully as possible to the two lovely people having a conversation about bees but don't bother to warn my that he's IN.MY.CAR. "You don't have to worry about that bee anymore because he'll be dying soon since he just stung me."

But I'm not one to complain, much...

Now I'm home and Sugar comes out to help me carry the food in. I tell her that I got stung and she informs me that the culprit - a wasp, not a bee - is still on the car.

Guess he was going to hang around and see if he could get me again, since my arm was only swollen to half its regular size.

But I'm not one to complain... oh, who the hell am I kidding?!?!? That shit hurt! (and it's still hurts!!)

Without complaining, I'll just say this: I'm glad there is only one Monday in a week - and that this one is almost over (pray for me y'all; I still have a couple more hours to go before it becomes official *sigh*)

FED UP

Have you ever gotten to the point where you can't take one. more. single. thing??

You may remember me sharing the frustrations I've been dealing with over the past couple of weeks, with the cooties being passed back and forth between both of my girls.

And the cherry, on top of the whipped cream, on top of the icing, on top of the cake was when Sugar coughed ON. MY. ARM. only for me to discover she had a fever of 102!!!

Needless to say, I took her BACK to the doctor the next morning where she was diagnosed with the flu. Strain A flu, to be specific.

What does that mean, you ask??? Well, let me just tell ya...

Apparently there are two major strains of flu: Strain A and Strain B.

But strain A happens to be the strain that the dreaded swine flu is in. Which means... If you are diagnosed with strain A flu, you have to stay out of work/school for 7 calendar days or until you are symptom free for 24 hours - whichever comes later.

I know what you're thinking - I thought so too. In fact, I had to re-read that same sentence a couple of times myself. But in answer to your question, that is not a typo: If you or your child has strain A of the influenza virus, you will be out for a MINIMUM of 7 days.

Now, while I understand and completely agree with the importance of preventing the spread of the potentially deadly strain of the N1H1 virus - heck, I'll even go so far as to say I agree with taking necessary measures to prevent the spread of ANY virus - I had already been at home with sick kids for almost two weeks. To me, one more week added to that sentence felt like the proverbial nail in the coffin.

At this point, I feel I need to add a disclaimer stating that I am not complaining about my children being sick. No parent likes to see their children sick. And while I am blessed that I have the ability to work from home, I like having adult interactions. I like the people I work with and I enjoy going to work each day.

And now back to our regularly scheduled blog post...

So, we've gone to the doctor and she's been diagnosed as having strain A influenza. The doctor writes a prescription for our household, in an effort to prevent us all from getting sick too. They give Sugar a mask to put over her face and we're escorted out to the back side of the office - I told her now she knows what Michael Jackson must have felt like, except she still has a nose.

The whole family is now on Tamiflu and suddenly Spice starts behaving like a little monster - I mean, even more so than usual - and that's putting it mildly. I don't know what got into that girl but I am not exaggerating when I tell you that she threw a first class kicking, screaming - at the top of her lungs - fit for about fifteen minutes one night.

With all the recent changes in her daily routine, it's hard to pin point the cause of this extreme behavior. It could be that she's still trying to get acclimated to the more structured environment of school. Add to that, that she's accustomed to taking a three to four hour nap in the afternoons and that's not happening anymore; it could be that she's simply exhausted. It might be that she still isn't feeling well or, it may be that she's seen someone else throwing fits and thought she would come home and try it out.

But the most perplexing of all is that her conduct in school deteriorated too. She has been bringing home a green smiley face every day since school started (that's the best you can get) and suddenly she was bringing home orange and yellow dots (not good! Orange is one step away from red, which is the worst!).

Now, I'm not living in some fantasy world where I am delusional enough to believe that my little girl is going to be perfectly behaved every single day; after all, I did give her the pseudonym of Spice not Angel. ;) While she is my child and I do love her, I also know that she is very stubborn and can be quite obstinate when she so chooses - but something weird was going on here.

Taking the timing of this decline into consideration, I decided to read up on any possible conditions caused by the medicine we were all taking... Sure enough, there it was in black and white: This medication could cause extreme behavioral changes in some and this is most likely to occur in young children.

"Well there you go." I thought to myself, "this explains it. Once we finish this round of medicine, her behavior will improve and we will be back to normal around here." - whatever that is ;)

Last Sunday was her final dose of the liquid evil medicine and on Monday she brought home another green smiley face. YAY!:) This desired pattern of good behavior continued throughout the entire week, thus proving that the culprit of all of last weeks heartburn was indeed the Tamiflu.

That is until...TONIGHT.

Tonight, the evil twin returned for round two of the B.B.B. (Bratty Behavioral Battles). And this time, Sugar thought she was going to join in on the fun too - it must be the full moon...

But, after almost three whole weeks of running back and forth to the doctors office, getting coughed on, being under house arrest and spending $157.00 in medicine - all in the name of love for her children - momma had reached the end of her rope.

She was FED UP!

The girls have been in their rooms since 7 pm and they were told warned strongly advised that they had better not to come back down for the remainder of the night, because not even Calgon could take me far enough away for them to escape my wrath if I had to correct them one more time tonight.

Tomorrow, Mr. Shell comes home and I get to run away from home and escape reality for a while when I go to the movies. Until then, please pray for my children. Ask that the Lord remain by their mother's side because I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He is the only reason I have not hurt them tonight.

Need My Cootie Shot!

I wouldn't call myself a germaphobe.

Honest, I wouldn't!

If I had to define it, I would say that I have a healthy respect for staying far, far away from anyone carrying contagious diseases.

My policy is: I did not go into the nursing profession and I don't get paid a doctors salary; if you are sick, stay away from me! I don't love you that much and I certainly don't want it!!

Seriously, anyone who has ever thought they were doing the right thing by dragging their sick ass coming into work when they were clearly sick will tell you how I feel about this...

If you are sick - if you even think that you might be contagious - STAY HOME!! The company will still be here when you get better; in the meantime, I don't want your germs and I would appreciate it if you would keep your cooties to yourself!

Don't come around me and, if you do, prepare to be disinfected! I will spray your ass with Lysol in a New York minute!!

So, as you can see, I have a healthy respect for staying clear of people with germs.

People ask me all the time what I do when my children get sick. The answer is, I keep them home from school and quickly take them to the doctor so that they can get well soon. When they are at home, they are in their beds (and yes, sometimes they are in my bed too), getting the necessary amount of rest so that they can hurry up and get well. I usually give them lots of fluids, chicken noodle soup and regular doses of whatever medication the doctor prescribed. When they are well enough to leave their sick bed, their bedding gets stripped and washed in hot water with Lysol and their rooms get disinfected.

As you can see, I'm not such a germaphobe that I can't tend to my children when they're sick. I take care of them and give them love, but I do not hug and kiss all over them. They're sick and while I do love them that much, I still don't want to share. I'm just sayin'. ;)

So, what led to the anxiety attack tonight??? Well, it goes like this:

• Last Monday - Sugar came home from school complaining that she wasn't feeling well.
• Tuesday - she was very sick with a fever.
• I took her to the doctor and she was tested for Strep and the Flu (both negative).
• She was diagnosed as having a sinus infection.
• Wednesday - she was still feverish and started coughing
• Later that day, she started feeling better and she was back in school on Thursday.
• Saturday - Spice started coughing (Sugar was still coughing, but hers was now a dry cough).
• Sunday - Spice is coughing and has a high fever.
• Monday - Spice stays home from school.
• Mr Shell takes Spice to the doctor
• She is diagnosed as having an upper respiratory infection BUT she wants to know who's going to take her to school (this is her first year in school and she doesn't understand that she can't go to school with a fever).
• Today, Spice is back in school
• Right as I get out of my car to head into work, my phone rings
• It's Sugar calling from Middle School to tell me that she doesn't feel good. I ask her what's wrong and she says she feels like she's going to be sick. I gave her some medicine to help with the coughing this morning and she hadn't eaten breakfast so I figure that's probably what is making her feel ill and ask her to try to stick it out.
• This afternoon, when I pick her up, she's still coughing and now she's sneezing too.
• We go pick up Spice.
• We head to Walgreens to get some more cough medicine, since nothing I have seems to be helping.
• Meanwhile, she is sitting in the front seat, coughing and sneezing on me. Seriously!! I am trapped in the car with this girl and her germs, and she for real coughs. on. my. arm.
• I am completely grossed out!!
• And, as if that isn't bad enough, when I get back in the car from purchasing the cough syrup I feel her forehead and she has a fever!!!
• We get home and I take her temperature: 102!

(AND I WAS IN THE CAR WITH HER WHILE SHE WAS COUGHING AND SNEEZING ALL OVER ME!!!)

I looked like Ace Ventura, Pet Detective, riding down the street with my head stuck out the window... Okay, so maybe I am a little bit of a germaphobe after all. :(


PLEASE, PEOPLE!!! The flu season is striking early this year and it's supposed to be a bad one. If you are sick - STAY HOME!!

In the words of my youngest, "I'm for serious!"

Keep your panties on!

It’s funny how things change as you grow older. When I think back on my past, sunburn is not something that I have ever had to concern myself with.

When I was young, I used to spend every waking hour of the Summer month’s in a pool and then, in my teenage years, not only would I stay in the pool but I would dry off by laying out for hours in the sun, and NONE of this was done with any of us wearing this stuff they have nowadays called sunscreen.

Sunscreen?? The heck you say. What on earth is that??

Now, as I tiptoe up to the door of 40, I spend just a couple of hours in the water without this sunscreen stuff and I come out looking like a well cooked lobster. No wonder the dolphins all loved me so much, they thought I was food!

If you’ve ever had sunburn before, I’m sure you know how horribly uncomfortable it can be; but for me, this was a first and let me just say…OUCH!!!

It was so painful, it even hurt to wear my clothes!

Then about a week later, on top of still being terribly sensitive, you start to itch. And I'm not talking about a little, tiny, twitch of the nose type of itch, I'm talking about a tingling sensation that goes so deep, you feel like you're about to come out of your skin... and then, you do!

So here it is, a little over a week after I had been deep fried, and I was sitting in my cubical at work - itching, scratching, burning, squirming and a whole bunch of other words that end with 'ing' - thinking to myself how much better I would feel if I could go into the ladies room and remove just one, single article of extremely uncomfortable clothing.


Now, it's not often that I will write about a book that I'm reading or listening to - except as a review; but as I sat there, trying to think of inventive ways to scratch my back without causing even more damage to my already acutely delicate skin, I was reminded of the book that I had just begun listening to on the way into work this morning...



Her sister's had talked her into wearing a miracle bra and, while those things really do perform supernaturally amazing feats, anyone who's ever worn one knows how uncomfortable they can be, and that under-wire crap is a killer!

After a little while she's had enough discomfort and decides that it's not worth it, so she heads towards the ladies room to remove the offending garment only to find that both the women's and men's rooms were closed. Spotting a patch of trees surrounding the property, in the distance, she goes behind one to discreetly remove the disagreeable article of clothing. No sooner had she unhooked the latch and removed it from under her clothing than she felt the blast.

Sometime later, the policeman discovered her hidden under tree limbs and debris, caused from the jolt of the explosion, and about twenty feet away, in the branches of a magnolia tree, they found a miracle bra.

HA! That would so be my luck!

Not that I would ever be brazen enough to remove my undergarments while at work, mind you; but, I was so extremely uncomfortable that I must admit the thought of doing just that was very appealing to me.

And then, I remembered this hilarious story and decided it would be best to hang in there until I could remove the worrisome apparel in the safety of my own home, where I wouldn't have to worry that some type of traumatic event would happen, causing said undergarment to end up over the head of what would most assuredly be either a very nice looking or high ranking man. *sigh*

Note to self (and anyone else who may be reading this): Be sure to wear sunscreen in order to help prevent discomfort of this magnitude and possible embarrassment from surrendering to the very real temptations to remove any unmentionables in public places. I'm just sayin' - Keep your panties on! ;)

Summer Vacation

The Shell family had not had a vacation together in a couple of years, their children had never seen a beach, Summer was quickly coming to an end and this was going to be the youngest Shell's first year in school.



Family Vacation 2009: Panama City, FL



Day 1 - Swimming with the dolphin's:



What an amazing experience this was; so amazing, in fact, that Mr. Shell jumped into the water with his cigarette's, lighter, car keys and cell phone in the pocket of his swimming trunks.



The Shell family heads out for a two hour tour, to Shell Island, to go swimming with the dolphin's - cue theme song from Gilligan's Island.



It's an overcast day, and we're in a covered pontoon boat..



Did she think to pack the sunscreen lotion? Yep.



Did she think to put it on? Nope.



Note to self: Two things you need to remember the next time you go swimming with the dolphins: 1) Sunscreen is ineffective when it's sitting in the bottom of your purse - put the sunscreen on before you leave the hotel room. 2) Take Dramamine!



Yeah, turns out that this turtle doesn't have sea legs; she's a land turtle. A land turtle that almost got sick on the dolphins - NOT FUN! For a minute there, I thought my snorkel was going to become a blow hole. Thank goodness the nausea didn't hit me until towards the end of our two hour tour - cue theme from Gilligan's Island once more.



Second half of day 1: Rest and recuperation for momma Shell. Later that evening, after a shower and a nap, we walked around Pier Park in search of some good eats and some night time entertainment, ending the evening with a night time stroll along the beach.



Day 2 - Day at the Beach:



It's been a long time since Shelly has been to the beach and even longer for Mr. Shell; so long in fact, that Mr. Shell got into the water with his new pack of cigarette's, his wallet and the car keys in the pocket of his swimming trunks - again.



Who knew that the beauty of that water would move him to the point of complete distraction. At the beginning of this little trip of ours, he also had a tube of chap stick. We still don't know where that went; but, given his track record, I can only assume that it's somewhere in the bottom of the Gulf. Who knows, the dolphins may now be swimming around with kiss-ably soft snouts. ;)



Did she remember the sunscreen? Yep.



Did she remember to put it on? Yep.



Did they go buy an umbrella so she wouldn't have to sit in direct sunlight? Yep.



Did she stay under the shelter of the umbrella? Nope.

Her children were calling for her to get in with them and the allure of that beautiful water was too great for her to ignore.



Did the sunscreen help? Nope.

On day one, she got fried like a chicken. On day two, she got boiled like a lobster. Basically, she got cooked to a crisp!

So, the moral of the story is...

..for Mr. Shell:

1) Maybe it's time to quit smoking.

2) Be sure to empty all of your pockets before getting into the water.



...for Mrs. Shell:

1) You are not a sea turtle, a chicken or a lobster.

2) Wear your sunscreen and take your medicine.

Back-to-school

My oldest daughter is in the seventh grade this year. [GULP!]

I clearly remember our drive, nine years ago, to our very first day of school. She was going into K-4 (also known as pre-kindergarten). She has a late birthday and missed the cut off for kindergarten by a month or two. Her father and I both felt that she was too smart to continue going to day care and that she would benefit most from an early start into a big girl school.

Several weeks before that first day of school, everyone around kept telling me that I should take that day off, that it was going to be an emotional experience and to take tissues because I was going to cry.

"No way," I would tell them all. "I've been dropping her off every morning since she was six weeks old. This is just another day of dropping her off in the morning on my way to work. I'll be fine."

We woke up that morning and got her dressed for her first day of big girl school. She was so excited and looked so cute, how could I be sad on such a joyous occasion? I wouldn't; I was sure of it.

We drove to school, talking about it the entire way: discussing all the wonderful things she was going to learn and how she was going to have so much fun and how she had to listen to her teacher and obey what they told her to do. All spirits were high and then... we hit the drive to the school and, like a boldar landing on my chest, my breath got swept away and the tears started stinging the backs of my eyes.

This was my baby, she was going to big girl school, growing up right before my very eyes.

Before the tears had time time to register and no sooner than I had come to a complete stop in the chosen parking space than my big girl threw off her seat belt, grabbed her back-pack, and swung open her door, oblivious to her mommy's emotional struggles, and says "Okay, bye mommy. I love you!"

Fast forward to nine years later...

Today was the first day of kindergarten for my youngest baby and I just knew I would a wreck. I took the day off of work and had tissues ready in the event of another dreaded emotional battle.

I don't know if it was because of the difference in their personalities, the differences in their ages or the difference in the amount of drive time - almost an hour for Sugar, nine years ago, as opposed to about two minutes for Spice, today; but whatever the reason, I handled this transition much better than the first go around.

One thing remained the same though....No sooner than I had come to a stop in the chosen space, my other baby threw off her seat belt, grabbed her back-pack, slung open the car door and said, "Okay, bye mommy. I love you!"

*sniff-sniff*

My girls -fearless, or maybe it's just as Spice told her daddy today, "I'm ascited!" ;)