The question was: What would you do if you had a child who constantly fibs.
I have tried everything I could think of to get this to stop and I am at my whits end with all the lies. Nothing I have done seems to work when the next time rolls around and I am at a complete loss. When they don't ever seem to learn the lessons that we try to teach them, we oftentimes feel like we have failed as a parent.
They say, ask and ye shall receive and that is exactly how it worked...
This last time really upset me, more than any other time that we've dealt with, because she was willing to let someone else take the blame for something she did. As far as I know, she's never done that before and it really hurt my heart that I witnessed her willingness to let it go that far.
So I wrote about the situation - minimizing some of the details; otherwise, we would have been here for a very long time - and asked for any suggestions on what I should do.
I am so pleased to report that all of the wonderful ladies I have met in blog land responded with their words of wisdom - not only that, but it helped to learn that I am not alone in dealing with this frustrating situation.
My Goodness said...
You know, I'm not quite there yet...but I've always heard that you have to find what means the most to them - and take it away. Luxuries or privileges, whatever...it has to really mean something to them.
Kellan said...
You know - I would figure out what her currency is and I'd take it away and I'd also restrict from TV or video games or having friends over - that sort of stuff. I think all kids are different and it is sometimes hard to figure out what will work to make them stop the behavior. When you figure it all out - write a book and I'll buy it!!!
Weeksie50 said...
You could find some good books about lying and read them to her then discuss the consequences over and over again.. The Boy Who Cried Wolf is a good one...A Big Fat Enormous Lie by Marjorie Weinman Sharmat..Don't Tell a Whopper on Fridays!by Adolph Moser...The Honest-to-Goodness Truth by Patricia C. McKissack these are some of the books we read in my class.. You can probably find these at your local library and maybe even more books about lying.
Sniz said...
Wow, that is a tough one. Our oldest son has always struggled with being truthful when telling the truth meant punishment. But usually when we "faked" it and acted like we were going to punish the other sibling (the one he was letting take the blame), he would finally "fess up. But if there were fibs that didn't affect other people in the house, he would sometimes let them go on a long time. How old is she? I couldn't abide it in Wil either, but it is a heart issue and nothing we did really changed his heart. So we prayed. It took a long time, but he finally outgrew it. We were patient with him and firm when we were able to find out the truth...there were lots of talks, lots of lost privileges, but like I said, his heart didn't change fast. I think time, patience, attention (we never let something "slip" by us, whether he confessed or not) and prayer were the things that worked. I think that started to wear him down since he knew he couldn't get out of lectures and/or punishments by lying. And now he is almost 15 and he is an honest kid, whereas if we hadn't been so diligent even when we were frustrated and exhausted (since it took so long and it was so discouraging at times--years), he could have become a habitual liar as an adult. Does that make sense?
rthling said...
I was ever the lying one in our family. My Mom made me memorize Proverbs 6:16-19. These six things doth the Lord hate: yea seven are an abomination unto him: a proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among the brethren. If you notice, lying is mentioned twice in these few short verses. God hates it, and calls it an abomination. I don't know how you deal with sin in your house, but we try to use every teachable moment to lead the children to the place of understanding their need for salvation, and the free gift that is offered by God through the sacrifice of his own son. If you have any questions, you can feel free to email me. Praying this teachable moment is used wisely, Diane
Amy said...
Sounds like you got a lot of advice from all of these wonderful ladies.So I will let their words suffice.And instead of advice, I am just going to send you a great big bloggy hug!:)Remembering this saying helps me sometimes, "And this too shall pass."Big hugs!Amy:)
This is a lot of great advice from some fantastic women and I would like to take a moment to thank each and every one of you. We have already tried many of the things mentioned above, to no avail, but one thing mentioned several times that we have not tried is prayer.
Oh, don't get me wrong here....I have prayed and prayed and prayed; but I have not tried sitting down with her and praying out loud, together. Maybe if she hears my pleas and understands that this is breaking my heart, she will stop and think before lying when the next time rolls around - let us hope.
And if anyone else out there reading this has anything else to offer, this door is definitely not closed and I am still in search of great ideas. Thanks!
