The four year old picked up the baggie and started to walk off but the observant mother stopped her before she could get very far. "Put that back."
"But I need it." the child said, in her four year old logical way.
"You don't need it. That money is for Ms. Jewal." she explained.
"I need some dollars for to go to Nana's."
"You aren't going to Nana's tonight, you're going to bed. Now put it back."
"You will give me some dollars when I go to Nana's?"
"Yes, I will give you some dollars the next time we go to Nana's. Now put it back so we don't lose it."
After being reassured that she would get some 'dollars' the next time she went to her Nana's house, she put the baggie full of money back onto the table.
The next evening, the mother was sitting in her favorite brown chair when she looked over and noticed that all of the dollars were missing from the coin bag. Recalling the conversation from the night before, she naturally thought that the young child had removed the money so she called the girl in so she could question her.
When she asked her what she did with the dollars, the little girl looked at the bag of coins and then, with a funny look on her face, looked at her mother and said, "I didn't do it."
The mother didn't believe her but, after she told her what the punishment would be if she didn't bring the money back and watching her youngest make several sincere yet unsuccessful attempts to find the money, she soon realized that the child was telling the truth.
She questioned her oldest daughter but she claimed to have no knowledge of the whereabouts of the lost bills.
There were only three people in the house who could have taken the money. She didn't take it and she was now 100% certain that her youngest hadn't taken it either, which only left the oldest girl.
I can not express to you how heavy my heart felt when I finally realized that my oldest daughter had not only removed the money from the baggie, but that she was going to let her little sister take the punishment for something that she didn't do.
This seems to be an ongoing problem with her and it is something that I absolutely cannot abide. I need your feedback. I have exhausted all of my measures and nothing has worked. I am at my absolute whits end.
Please tell me, what you would do if you had a child who constantly fibbed?
You know, I'm not quite there yet...but I've always heard that you have to find what means the most to them - and take it away. Luxuries or privileges, whatever...it has to really mean something to them.
ReplyDeleteGive it some thought...
You know - I would figure out what her currency is and I'd take it away and I'd also restrict from TV or video games or having friends over - that sort of stuff. I think all kids are different and it is sometimes hard to figure out what will work to make them stop the behavior. When you figure it all out - write a book and I'll buy it!!!
ReplyDeleteTake care - Kellan
First of all here's a big BTDT (been there done that) Mama Hug ((hug))
ReplyDeleteRaising girls can be so..well..so FRUSTRATING!! Nothing makes me more angry than lying. I mean it is the top offense : (
I agree with my goodness in that as they get older you can with hold or temporarily take away things as punishment. But there is still that heart issue.
I always try to get to the "heart" of the bad behavior.
Caught in a lie my dd's first have to make it right with whoever the lie affected. This is embarrassing and humbling for them.
Then we pray together (if a praying family!)
Hearing me talk out loud to the Lord about what happened brings tears sometimes but it helps!
You could find some good books about lying and read them to her then discuss the consequences over and over again.. The Boy Who Cried Wolf is a good one...A Big Fat Enormous Lie by Marjorie Weinman Sharmat..Don't Tell a Whopper on Fridays!by Adolph Moser...The Honest-to-Goodness Truth by Patricia C. McKissack these are some of the books we read in my class.. You can probably find these at your local library and maybe even more books about lying.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a kid. I used to steal things. It made my mom so sad. I don't know why I did it but I eventually grew out of it.
Wow, that is a tough one. Our oldest son has always struggled with being truthful when telling the truth meant punishment. But usually when we "faked" it and acted like we were going to punish the other sibling (the one he was letting take the blame), he would finally "fess up. But if there were fibs that didn't affect other people in the house, he would sometimes let them go on a long time. How old is she? I couldn't abide it in Wil either, but it is a heart issue and nothing we did really changed his heart. So we prayed. It took a long time, but he finally outgrew it. We were patient with him and firm when we were able to find out the truth...there were lots of talks, lots of lost privileges, but like I said, his heart didn't change fast. I think time, patience, attention (we never let something "slip" by us, whether he confessed or not) and prayer were the things that worked. I think that started to wear him down since he knew he couldn't get out of lectures and/or punishments by lying. And now he is almost 15 and he is an honest kid, whereas if we hadn't been so diligent even when we were frustrated and exhausted (since it took so long and it was so discouraging at times--years), he could have become a habitual liar as an adult. Does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteI was ever the lying one in our family. My Mom made me memorize Proverbs 6:16-19.
ReplyDeleteThese six things doth the Lord hate: yea seven are an abomination unto him: a proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among the brethren.
If you notice, lying is mentioned twice in these few short verses. God hates it, and calls it an abomination.
I don't know how you deal with sin in your house, but we try to use every teachable moment to lead the children to the place of understanding their need for salvation, and the free gift that is offered by God through the sacrifice of his own son. If you have any questions, you can feel free to email me.
Praying this teachable moment is used wisely,
Diane
Sounds like you got a lot of advice from all of these wonderful ladies.
ReplyDeleteSo I will let their words suffice.
And instead of advice, I am just going to send you a great big bloggy hug!:)
Remembering this saying helps me sometimes, "And this too shall pass."
Big hugs!
Amy:)