Freaky Friday or Saturday, as the case may be...

It was a stormy Saturday night. The girls were away for the night and we had a party to attend.

We dressed in our hippest threads, complete with my black hooker boots. I was looking as good as a girl my size can look.

On the way to the party I thought it might be a good idea for us to stop somewhere and grab me a bite to eat.

I knew they would have food, but I also know that the odds were not in my favor for liking what they had - being the worlds pickiest eater and all.

However, we have been to their house on numerous occasions and they've usually had something there that I would eat, so I didn't voice my concerns.

An empty stomach and six apple martinis later the hooker boots had been shed and it was time for us to go back to the safety of our house.

Note that they were small glasses so, in all actuality, I probably only had three regular sized drinks; the only thing is that I don't usually drink and three is definitely my limit - with food!

We arrive home safely and I decide that I'm going to play sexy for the husband. It's funny how a few of those drinks can make you feel like you've got your sexy back.

I'm lying on the bed, in my 'I'm so sexy' pose, waiting for him to finish getting everything in order and come into the bedroom.

Upon his arrival he looks at me, all sprawled out draped across the bed, and with a shocked look says, "what are you doing?" while quickly crawling into the bed beside me, to take advantage my drunken stooper this opportunity before it passes him by.

As I go to respond, still trying to maintain my 'sexiness',I fling my right hand high above my head only to smack it VERY HARD against the headboard.

OUCH!!!

Fortunately, I had enough drinks in me so as to lessen the pain - a little. But don't get me wrong. IT HURT!!!

The next day, when we woke up, he rolled over and accidentally grazed my hand, sending a shooting pain signal up to my brain, quickly reminding me of my not so graceful sexiness of the night before.

It's now a week later and my hand is starting to turn a lovely shade of greenish yellow, and it still hurts to the touch.

All I can say is....I hope he had fun because it doesn't look like I'll be drinking anymore apple martinis for a while - wouldn't want him to start 'expecting' this sort of activity ;)

Bye Amy! Have a great Trip!!

I recently stumbled across a wonderful new blogging buddy named Amy from In My Life. You may remember she tagged me for a meme just last week...

Anyway, Amy was recently blessed by her friend Melissa with a once in a lifetime dream trip to the to the Mediterranean. WOW!! How awesome is that??

She had some anxiety about going - and who could blame her, after all she will be gone from her family, friends and loved ones for 24 days. But, in the end she knew this was an opportunity that she couldn't let pass her by and everyone who knows and loves her was encouraging her to take the trip - she deserves it!!

Amy,

Those of us who know and love you through blogland will miss your funny, inspirational, uplifting and your positive spin on life posts while you're away but we are all so happy that for you. I can't wait to see the picture of you writing your name in the sand.

Have a great trip!


PS. Don't eat the frog legs. HA!!

The Proceedings

I've told you about the impending divorce.

That sad and gloomy day will be upon me before I know it and much sooner than I would like.

He didn't ask for my opinion on the matter and was shocked when he learned that I had found out before he could tell me himself.

I'm not happy about it but I don't begrudge him better opportunities.

Today we had our all day divorce proceedings. We had to decide how things are going to be maintained without him around anymore.

It was a very long day!

At the end of the day, I walked away with custody of his child but without the benefit of child support.

He claims he'll still be around for me when I need him, but not to get mad if it takes him a while to respond. He won't be able to drop everything to help me out.

OUCH! There's a harsh dose of reality.

This is really happening. **GULP** My work husband is leaving me. **GULP-GULP** I'm not ready to be alone. **GULP-SNIFFLE-GULP**

I know that this is an amazing opportunity for me to learn a new skill set, making me more marketable for future advancement within the company; but that doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye. :(

Reason 999 Why I HATE Public Bathrooms!

We have been having bathroom drama at work for the past few weeks and with my LOVE of public restrooms I thought I would rant about my frustrations share my story with you.

Apparently they have changed our cleaning crew and the lady that we used to have - who kept everything nice and stocked at all times for us - was let go when this new company took over.

Now, you should know that the floor I work on is a training floor; meaning the ladies restroom on that floor is an extremely busy place!

The problem is, since this new company has arrived, the ladies restroom has not been receiving the attention that it needs to remain functional. For the past two weeks we've had no paper towels in the dispenser; there were several a few days when we had no paper towels at all and we probably still wouldn't if someone I had not put a roll in there. We've had no back up toilet paper, they haven’t refilled our hand soap - I think I got the last squirt this evening - and we’re almost out of seat covers.

I have been complaining to politely informing our maintenance engineer of our bathroom woes every day for the last two weeks - with the exception of the days that I was out of town - I'm sure he is so sick of just loves me!!

By now I'm sure you are all aware of my feelings regarding public bathrooms...

HATE THEM!!!

I understand that it's a natural bodily function that we all must have, but that doesn't make it any easier for me when the time comes that I actually need to visit the dreaded public facility. **Shudder**

What if I have a natural bodily function and make an accidental noise??

What if someone KNOWS what I'm doing in here??

What if it makes a splashing sound??

What if it stinks??

Should I flush or don't flush??

If you flush, but you don't come out then they WILL KNOW what you're doing; on the other hand, if you don't flush the smell may linger longer and then they WILL KNOW what you're doing.

Should I spray or don't spray??

If you spray, they might hear the spray and then they WILL KNOW what you're doing; on the other hand, if you don't spray it may stink and the smell may linger longer and then they WILL KNOW what you're doing.

The list for my love of public restrooms goes on and on...

If I MUST use a public restroom - and I drink nothing but water all.day.long. so it is inevitable that I do have to go, many times, throughout the day - I MUST have a seat cover; because, for some reason, women have trouble hitting the actual bowl and they sprinkle on the seat. Upon finishing, I MUST have toilet tissue and, once finished, I MUST have soap to wash my hands. I realize that many people just run their hands under the water and call it all good but I am not one of them! After I was my hands - with the soap and water - I MUST have paper towels to dry them.

NONE of which are being stocked with our new cleaning crew - which makes it even more insufferable than usual.

When I was in Georgia I had another bathroom scare.

My nerves were jumbled and there was a rumbly going on in tummy. I was afraid the inevitable was upon me so I went into their bathroom. Upon discovering that it was not open to the general public, it was clean, AND no one else had access when it was occupied I felt a little more relieved.

I sat down and THAT'S when I saw it.

It's by far, the scariest thing I've ever seen in a work bathroom.

I've heard that some people have them in their bathrooms at home but I NEVER expected to see one in a place of business.

It scared me so bad, I forgot all about the rumbly in my tummy. I hurriedly finished and got out of there as quickly as possible.

I told my girlfriend, Katie, about my bathroom scare and she asked me if I stepped on it.

"NO WAY!" I said.

"Good Girl!" She replied.

"I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I'm not STU-PID!!"

There was NO.WAY.IN.HELL that I was stepping my fat ass on that scale!

As it is, I'll probably have nightmares for weeks to come...

7 Random Things

I was tagged by Tina at Golden Goodness for this meme.

Coming up with something interesting could be a challenge.

Let me see....... I have several a few hang ups that I could tell you about; for instance...

1. I can't stand the sound of people clipping their fingernails. Those things have a habit of taking flight. One could fly over and poke my eye out!


2. I also don't like it when people floss their teeth outside of the designated area (meaning the bathroom). Whether it's water or a diet Barq's, I usually have an open drink beside me and if someone is flossing their teeth beside me the particles might land in my drink....and that's just gross!


3. I used to be afraid to look in mirrors in the dark - the whole Bloody Mary thing. I was afraid that, even if I only thought about it too hard, something other than my own reflection would appear. I still don't like the idea of looking into anything where I should see my reflection and that not being what appears, but I'm not quite as spooky about it as I was when I was younger.


4. I do not like to drive and I get anxiety whenever I have to go somewhere unfamiliar - even if I've been there before; if it's not a place that I go on a regular basis, I will have anxiety about getting there. And if you're in a hospital, you can pretty much hang up any thoughts of me coming to visit - unless I can find someone to ride with. Note that some of this anxiety has lessened with the arrival of my girlfriend but it is in no way completely gone.


5. I eat fried chicken and pizza with a fork and knife. I can't stand to get my hands dirty. If I make something that requires me putting my hands in something mushy - like hamburger meat - I make Kayla do it.

Wow! I was able to come up with five quirks. I'm sure there are plenty more - such as my love for public bathrooms - but I better not share them all or the people in the white coats might try to take me away. And if you've ever read my blogs before, you already know about the bathroom thing....

Now, let's see if I can come up with two more random, yet interesting, things about myself...

6. I am left handed but I bowl with my right hand.

7. I have never gone by my first name - seems to be a family tradition as my grandfather went by his middle name, my mother goes by her middle name, and my father too - and up until the sixth grade, I didn't go by my middle name either. ;)

Just Another Manic Monday...

Photo by: www.suerasmussen-quilts.com/gallery.htm

My alarm went off - I pressed snooze.

I believe I've already established that I MUST press the snooze button a minimum of three times before I get out of the bed each morning.

Today, I pressed if four! Which, of course, means that I had to rush to get ready.

I stayed up late last night working on some more business cards, so I wasn't very happy about the annoying beep of my alarm clock this morning, which starts out soft and pleasant (beep-beep-beep beep-beep-beep) but gets louder and faster (beep.beep.beep-beep.beep.beep) until you finally get your butt up and turn it off - or, as in my case, press snooze. ;)

My first sign should have been when I put a run in my brand.new.never.been.warn. pantyhose, while putting them on.

Still reeling from the shocking news of my favorite buddies retirement, I get an email from my boss asking me to come in her office when I get settled. uh-oh, this can't be good.

I go into her office and take a seat; we chat for a while and then she tells me the latest news:

My work husband is leaving me, **sniff-sniff** he's going to another department.

What am I going to do?? He's the best work husband I've ever had! I'm not ready for a separation. **sniff-sniff**

So, after she drops this bomb on me, I head back to my desk where absolutely nothing worked. I was unable to delete tables. I was unable to paste. My clip board wouldn't empty. UGH!!!

Then I sent a message to my work husband, asking when my reports would be ready, and he snipped at me. (My goodness, what's wrong with him?? I'm the one getting dumped.)

"Gimme a break" He says.

Gimme a break?? Did he really just say Gimme a break?? Sure, I'll give you a break....here you go...

Now, can I get a break?? Please?!?!

Manic Monday continued on with failing queries, power surges and unresponsive hosts, which probably means absolutely nothing to you but in my world it makes completing work and meeting deadlines rather difficult.

As the day went on, I did manage to check off several tasks from my to-do list and now that all of that craziness is out of the way, I can have a great rest of the week!

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In other news:

How do you like me new blog design??

Love it?? Me too!!

Compliments of my good friend Tina - who btw, tagged me for a meme so look for that post sometime soon.

Now that you've finished reading my babblings for the day, jump on over and check out Tina's blog and if your looking for a new look for your blog...

get redesigned!

A Good Day, Gone Bad...

Today was going to be a good day.

I was on my way to work and I was ahead of schedule.

I was across the street from the building, waiting for the light to turn green.

All was right with the world.

THEN, my phone rang.

It was a co-worker. She had something to tell me and she couldn't wait any longer for me to get there.

She had to tell me, right.now.

What followed was some news that could only be described as completely shocking and somewhat devastating.

"WHAT?!?!?" I screamed into the receiver. "NO WAY!!"

I checked the date on my watch. Nope, it's not April 1st, so why would someone be playing this cruel, cruel joke on me???


Okay, I'm at work now.

The first thing I do is turn the computer on and pull up my email.

There it was, the dreaded email that confirmed the phone call that I had gotten.....

Laura - my favorite work buddy - is retiring....effective immediately???

This can't be....I didn't even get to say goodbye. WHYYYYY????????

We've never met in person.

She lives in Chattanooga.

At first it was a business relationship but her self appointed "Assistant Operations Manager" brought us closer and a bond was formed.

Our working relationship grew stronger and a friendship developed.

We talked. We emailed. We IM'd. We joked. We laughed.

Meetings were never boring with her around and they won't be the same without her - who am I going to joke with during the meetings?? **sniff-sniff**

I loved her - in a non-lesliebean sort of way.

I was all excited because we were finally going to get to meet in person and within a matter of minutes my hopes were shattered.

My entire day was gloomy from that point forward.....I miss you already!!

I won't linger on the sadness of this day. Everything happens for a reason - of this I'm certain.

I have contacted her, via email, and she has assured me that she is fine. The reason for her sudden retirement is not because of poor health, nor is it the health of anyone in her family - This was my number one concern.

She has family in North Carolina and she is moving there to be closer to her children and her grandchildren - can't say I blame her for that, I don't know what I would do if I didn't live close to my mother; she's my best friend.

Hey! Maybe she can swing by and visit me on her way to NC...**wink-wink** (Sorry, inside joke)

I will definitely miss working with her, but I chose to look at the positive side of this situation.

Although I already feel like we have a friendship, it has always remained on a professional level. I look forward to our friendship developing further, as I get to know her on a more personal level.

And that "meeting in person" that I was so looking forward to???

It.will.happen.