Last night was one of those times for me....
Out of sheer frustration I find myself, standing in the middle of the kitchen, with a puzzled look on my face. Puzzled because I knew she ate it - even though I specifically told her no; I knew she did; but, as usual, she feigned innocence.
I am so frustrated with this problem - this sneaking of the sweets. I don't understand why she does it.
I can not tell you how many times I have gone in to her room to clean, already irritated because of the state its in, only to find food wrappers stuffed in drawers, under her mattress, in the pillow cases, in the jewelry box, behind pictures on the wall and once in the battery compartment of a snow globe.
It's gross! Just plain nasty - like sending an invitation to all of the neighborhood bugs: "Psst! Hey you, ant dude...Yeah, you. Come on over to my house. Oh, and bring your friends; it's an all you can eat buffet in here!"
It's disconcerting, as a mother, to know that this is going on with your child but not understanding the reasoning behind it or how to resolve it.
I am afraid for her.
Already a few well wishers have commented to her about her belly.
I cringe every time I hear those types of remarks.
She is not fat but she is growing - FAST!
I don't want her to be self conscious about her weight; at the same time, I also don't want her to have a weight problem.
Being a kid is hard enough without that added to it.
My mind is fearful. What if this is just the beginning of what could turn into an eating disorder?
That is really my number one concern.
If she can't learn to control these urges, of sneaking sweets, and she does begin to grow heavy, what's to say that she won't take the next step and start purging??
I have tried absolutely everything I can think of, including a putting a pad lock on our pantry.
I don't know what else to do.
Last night, I found myself throwing my hands up in the air and asking the Lord to please give me strength. The strength to not break down. The strength not to fail her. The strength to deal with the situation accordingly.
Maybe I'm praying for the wrong thing... Instead of praying for strength, maybe I should be praying for wisdom; for it is that which I am truly in need of.
Maybe, if I prayed for wisdom, He would grant me the knowledge that I so desperately need in order to understand the reasoning behind this issue. And if I had the knowledge, I might be able to find a solution....
Wow, Hon! I don't have any answers for you, but I can be praying for her.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I have to watch, is what kind of example I'm being for my own daughter. You already know that I'm a secret eater, too.
I'll be praying for an answer for us both.
we went through this. our daughter was a chubby little thing for about 2 yrs. my hubz use to tell her no all the time when it came to food. i was a secret eater, sometimes i still am. i decided to make a drawer in our fridge just for J. she could go to it 5 times during the day and choose one item. there was a little notepade on the fridge and she would tally it when she made a visit. no one said anything to her, there was no shame. she had a small say in what we would put in there, yogo's, string cheese, apple dippers (w/caramel), celery dippers (w/peanut butter) and sugar free puddings and jello...lots of that stuff! that SHE picked from the many healthy choices at the market. we counted it all out, she knew there were 5 treats a day in there JUST FOR HER and she knew that she could have them as often as she wanted. after the first week she visited the drawer only 3 times a day. she stopped eating the junk (we also did not bring the junk into the house and replaced cookies and chips with 100 calorie prepacked foods). she is fit and trim and she is growing. since she started her period i notice that PMS brings on wanting to eat, esp chocolate, but she is a woman...so she and i have our women only chocolate stash and we have 1 piece of chocolate and see if that is enough and wait an hour before we have another IF we need it...
ReplyDeletethe bottom line is that we took away the judgement. we created a safe place for her to EAT. she doesn't sneak food anymore and i really have no fear whatsoever that she will develop bad habits as she gets older.
i will add you and your girl to my prayers...i am here if you need me. i hope this helped a little.
I don't have any words of wisdom myself, but as you said, God does. He will give you the strength to seek His will, and He will give you the knowledge and wisdom to deal with the situation in a manner that is pleasing to Him. And in a way that will be a blessing to your baby and you.
ReplyDeleteAs my son Matthew says all the time, "Romans 8:28, Momma!" He reminds me of that verse every time I don't understand why a situation is the way it is.
I will be praying for both of you.
I love you bunches.
(((BIG HUGS!)))
Amy:)
♥ That is so hard! Especially when it's the being sneaky part. My kids know that they get in way more trouble when they're sneaky rather than just doing it but they still try it all the time and it drives me crazy!
ReplyDeletei just wish I had advice! :)
Oh man. Good luck! I know my friend is a fitness trainer and she keeps telling me I can eat more of what I WANT if I am exercising. Hopefully I will get off the couch soon because I LOVE to eat too.
ReplyDeleteBut what to do with little ones?
I absolutely love what mamarazzi had to say! She sounds like one smart cookie! (or at least one 100 calorie pack of cookies)
ReplyDeleteThe important thing is that you are praying, and He will hear those prayers.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a tough issue, especially for a little girl. It's hard to know where to draw the line. I have a little one who eats for comfort and we have had to be very careful. My husband (I know it's strange for a man) had an eating disorder when he was in college. He grew up chubby and his nickname was "fat boy". This destroyed his self-image. When he got older, he began to purge through exercise and lost way too much weight.
It is a tough line to walk. I know that you are a great mommy and I think that is the most important thing. That she knows she is loved just the way she is. I'll pray for your little girl and for you too, friend.
Hugs,
Laura
Just now reading this (((hugs))) for you and your precious girl! I think females are so prone to be secret eaters because there is such shame attached to females eating and enjoying food : ( Agree with the above comment....make her a "sweet jar" and put a few things in everyday. When those are gone for that day then thats it. Unfortunately the rest will have to be hidden until the situation improves. And I believe it will. There are SO many good choices for sugar free stuff and low calorie. The best part is it really tastes good too!
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you Mama!!
I've had nothing to do because I don't have any experience with this...but I am SO glad you posted about it because I think you've gotten some great advice!
ReplyDeleteHow's it going now??
this is easier said then done but its now my motto (For myself)if I buy it and bring it into the house, I WILL EAT IT. so maybe try for one month, no junk treats in the house. Then add them back with rules, if any go missing, we will go another month???? just a thought. I love crap!!!!!!!!!!!! hehe and my body shows it.
ReplyDeleteI did this as a kid too! I would hide food in my room. I did it because my mom was always on a diet. Losing weight and doing without foods was always being talked about. And my parents would "encourage" me not to eat too much. My dad told me I needed to be careful all the time. So I felt guilty and still wanted the food...so I would hide it and eat in secret.
ReplyDeleteThis has to be sooo hard to know how to handle as a parent. I haven't had any experience with this yet so I have no idea...but I think finding out the why behind her actions is so important. For me I wanted to control this area of my life--so maybe if she has control???
I am curious what you discover....
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get round to reading this post, but I felt sad and sobered. I have no suggestions that I think would be helpful. What I do know is Hilmar's mom took him to weigh less when he was 9 and he has suffered with low self esteem since and he has battled his weight since then too.
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing the right thing by asking the Lord for help, I'm sure he will guide you to do the best thing for her.
In the mean time, you have at least 12 people who love and support you and are here for you should you need a sounding board.
Strength to you friend. {{{{HUGS}}}}